Those Words from A Father Which Saved Us as a Brand-New Father

"I think I was simply just surviving for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the demands of becoming a dad.

But the actual experience soon turned out to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health problems surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her chief support as well as caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every stroll. The role of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following 11 months he burnt out. It was a chat with his father, on a park bench, that helped him see he needed help.

The straightforward statement "You are not in a healthy space. You must get support. What can I do to assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and regain his footing.

His story is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although society is now more comfortable addressing the pressure on mums and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles fathers go through.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his challenges are linked to a broader inability to communicate among men, who continue to hold onto negative ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and stays upright with each wave."

"It isn't a display of weakness to request help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men often don't want to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not justified to be asking for help" - particularly in front of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental state is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the opportunity to take a pause - going on a short trip overseas, away from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He came to see he had to make a change to focus on his and his partner's feelings as well as the practical tasks of looking after a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she needed" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotion and interpret his decisions as a father.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen did not have stable male guidance. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, profound emotional pain caused his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "poor decisions" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as escapism from the pain.

"You find your way to substances that are harmful," he says. "They can temporarily change how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Tips for Managing as a New Father

• Share with someone - when you are swamped, confide in a family member, your partner or a professional what you're going through. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the things that made you feel like you before having a baby. Examples include going for a run, socialising or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical health - a good diet, staying active and when you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is faring.
• Spend time with other new dads - hearing about their stories, the messy ones, as well as the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help isn't failing - looking after you is the most effective way you can look after your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead give the stability and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the feelings safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they acknowledged their issues, transformed how they talk, and taught themselves to control themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I said, on occasion I think my job is to instruct and tell you what to do, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am discovering an equal amount as you are through this experience."